My Journey to Medical Retirement: Part II

Does she even know me? I’m not that underweight. I literally gained 5 lbs. Is she trying to make me fat? I’m definitely not the smallest girl on this team.

I don’t understand. The OB GYN I’ve been seeing since sophomore year of high school has told me it’s okay that I’m underweight and that I don’t get my period. I’m a runner. It’s normal.

Despite the tornado of thoughts in my mind, I find myself saying, “okay.” Anything to stop the concern coming from, suddenly, everyone. As much as I don’t want to listen, I want to run. I will do anything to run.

Fast forward a year, and I am sitting in the same room with the same team doctor. When she inquires about my menstrual cycle, I am happy to deliver the news that I got my period back this summer, after five years. She is pleased to hear this until she finds out I am on hormone replacement therapy. She says that my period isn’t “real.” It’s a withdrawal bleed.

I convey my lack of understanding and leave the appointment in denial that my period isn’t real. Sure I’m on hormones, but I have been on and off them for three years now and hadn’t gotten a cycle before. I can't believe she isn’t happy that I finally got my period! Isn’t that what she wanted. Doesn’t that mean I’m healthy?